by Kim Filchak, Reporter

Greetings fellow earth dwellers, welcome to the usually mid week update but not even close this time edition of Rampant Speculation! There are so many things to discuss and get indignant about this week! Let’s get started so we can begin acting curmudgeonly about the things we don’t like as soon as possible!

But first a special announcement! We all love those, right?

I am going to get real here and talk spoilers. I normally stick with an as needed system of spoiler warnings, running them with specific items I feel may constituent a spoiler on any given topic. As a rule I don’t do a general warning for spoilers here since if you are reading something that is consistently dedicated to all of the spoiler related rumors floating around the web, than you are pretty much down with the dirty business of being spoiled. That said this week there are a hand full of what I would call legitimate minor-ish spoilers up in here so if you want to remain pristine I would take a pass on Batman V Superman, Into the Woods, & Star Wars. It’s totally your call, River Song.

Batman V Superman: Dawn of Justice- I thought this day would never come. You wait and your pray that some little hint of the mystery will be revealed and you can finally breath again. Ladies and gentleman, we now officially know the status of Jessie Eisenberg’s hair.

Batman-News were the first to break the story.

“a source tells Batman News that Eisenberg has “a lot of hair”. It’s not Eisenberg’s typical curly look — it’s a bit longer, kind of loose and wavy, and it’s dirty blonde. Eisenberg’s Luthor has spastic mannerisms, like a 20-something guy that pounds energy drinks all day. I’m told that the scenes shot take place towards the beginning of the movie… so maybe there’s still a chance that Lex Luthor could show up bald by the end? We’ll have to wait and see.”

 

Batman-News also had the low down on the photos of what could be a giant stone kryptonian torso that surfaced last week. They have confirm that Superman is indeed getting the full Metro-Man treatment from the city of Metropolis by way of a gigantic statue dedicated in his honor…. for saving the planet by causing hundreds of millions in property damages and accidentally taking untold lives. So I guess, yay for him?

Also in Batman V Superman news comicbook.com is reporting that a source has informed them that Mercy, Lex Luthor’s gal Friday and all around butt kicker, is going make an appearance in the film and that she will be played by Tao Okamoto (The Wolverine).

In the ongoing investigation into who is wearing what in Batman V Superman, Variety has looked to Toys ‘R’ Us for answers. They are reporting that DC/Warner Bros. has reaffirmed their pact with Mattel to create the many DC media based tie-ins and Mattel in turn has released photos of their upcoming toy line, which includes a Batman action figure wearing what seems to be a kryptonite covered bat-suit. Which begs the question, is this a tie in to Batman V Superman, or just a random iteration of Batman? Kevin Smith (Clerks, Dogma, Degrassi: The Next Generation), respected comic book scholar and noted friend of Ben Affleck (Argo, Dogma, Reindeer Games), has mentioned in his podcast Batman may be wearing multiple suits in the film, and if this in one of them than we can rest assured on at least one topic of concern; Batman will in fact be wearing pants.

Beauty and the Beast- Every year it seems there is some movie that is made by two competing studios. Last year it was Olympus Has Fallen vs White House Down, years ago it was Armageddon vs Deep Impact, this is clearly a “thing” for Hollywood. It’s like its own version of Thunder Dome, two movies enter and only one walks away as the one people remember to go see while the other drops like a rock at the box office and fades into obscurity. Next up in the arena? Beauty and the Beast with both Disney and Warner Bros. having live action versions of the film in the works. Disney is continuing their trend of making live action re-envisioned versions of classic films from their archives and Warner Bros continuing their trend of blatantly copying anything Disney does in hopes to claim some of that sweet sweet revenue flow. One of these two films has just hit a snag.

Deadline is reporting that Warner Bros. has parted ways with Guillermo del Toro (Pacific Rim, Hellboy, The Devils Backbone), who was all set to direct Emma Watson (Harry Potter, The Perks of Being a Wallflower) as the beauty half of Beauty and the Beast. There is really no mystery or drama involved in this move, del Toro is over committed to other projects and is staying on with the film as a producer. It’s disappointing that we will not get to see what a Beauty and the Beast directed by Guillermo del Toro will look like (My guess? Weird, grotesque, beautiful and enchanting) but he is a bit of a project tease so this news is not too shocking. If I could get over him not doing The Hobbit I can get over this. It will be interesting to see who Warner Bros. taps to replace him, hopefully it will be someone equally as visionary.

Cinderella- I know this is not new, but due to an ill advised pact I made with powerful forces beyond my ken I am obligated under penalty of maiming to report on all things Cinderella, so here is a photo from the up coming live action film by Disney. Cinderella will be directed by Kenneth Branagh (Thor, Henry V, Swing Kids) and star Lily James (Downton Abby) as Cindy, the soot stained maid/step daughter with big dreams, and Cate Blanchett (Blue Jasmine, Hanna) as her stepmother who I can only hope is going to have an absolutely fabulous wardrobe.

Dawn of the Planet of the Apes- Here is the final trailer for Dawn of the Planet of the Apes before it opens on July 11th. For something that totally lacks Charlton Heston (Soylent Green, The Omega Man) screaming in loin cloth about hygienically challenged, morally bankrupt primates it displays an decent amount of awesome.

Doctor Strange: The Wire has a pretty good round up of all of the latest information regarding Marvel Studios’ on going quest to bring earth’s Sorcerer Supreme to the big screen. They have a director, Scott Derrickson (Sinister, The Exorcism of Emily Rose), and have just announced that Jon Spaihts (Prometheus) will be writing the script. Despite whatever opinions we may or may not have about either of these choices, things seem to be moving right along towards the films 2016 release date. Next up will be perilous task of picking the next man to wear the embroidered cape and battle the forces of evil that wait beyond. Marvel Studios’ list of actors they are interested in is an eclectic mix, with Benedict Cumberbatch (The Hobbit), Tom Hardy (Dark Knight Rises), and Jared Leto (Dallas Buyers Club) all being mentioned as names on the short list in regard to the role. Whichever one of them can pull off the cape the best remains to be seen.

Guardians of the Galaxy- New photos have surfaced on Indie Wire from the upcoming film, which include a look at Lee Pace’s (The Fall, Pushing Daisies, The Twilight Saga: Breaking Dawn Part 2) character Ronan the Accuser, Groot being Groot because that is who is (Just ask him, he will tell you all about it) and one of Rocket Raccoon, who I think I may have rapidly become mildly obsessed with.

Lee Pace spoke to Yahoo Movies about the making of the film and had a few things to say about playing someone so evil.

There’s been a lot of secrecy surrounding your character. What more can you reveal about Ronan, besides his super evilness?

I’ve never played a character like Ronan before. I like a bombastic villain, and that’s what I had a good time doing. It was the most fun playing this character… I was stronger than I’ve ever been, doing all this training, and the character is just a beast. He’s just so evil. At first when I started working on him, I was thinking, “We’ve seen so many great performances of villains by very talented actors in superhero movies. I’ve got to find something relatable about this guy.” But the more I played him, the more fun I had with just being evil. [Laughs] Evil, evil, evil. He’s an alien – there’s no kind of human rules. There’s nothing to relate to, actually. It just became, like, the more dark I could conceive of him, the more I understood him.

What’s your most evil trait? Is it the eyebrows?
You don’t even see my eyebrows! It’s covered up with that black ceremonial paint. He’s like Osama bin Laden – he’s like a religious fanatic. It’s so cool. When in my life did I think I’d be playing a character like this? When I got the call about this, I was like, “What? OK, OK… I’m in.” I’d auditioned for Star-Lord, and then Chris obviously got the part… and then they called my agent and said, “We have another part for him!” So I quickly put that on tape and Ronan worked out.

Hansel and Gretel Witch Hunters 2- Bloody Disgusting is reporting that is a thing that is happening.

The original movie grossed $225 million worldwide, doing far better than anyone anticipated (Possibly because they did not understand the mysterious power of a shirtless Jeremy Renner (The Avengers, The Hurt Locker)). Paramount Pictures clearly took a long look at the giant pile of money they got from the first movie and decided that more is always better. The film is officially confirmed and now we live a world where that is going to happen. Hopefully Jeremy Renner’s torso and Gemma Arterton (Loves Labor Lost, Clash of the Titans) adorable face with make return appearances in the sequel, though as of now the only returning name listed on the films IMDB page is director Tommy Wirkola (Hansel & Gretel:Witch Hunters).

Into the Woods- News has come out that Disney is making a few changes to the original story of this amazingly messed up musical and I for one am not a happy girl about this. First they have cut the song Any Moment, which dudes…

It’s one of the best songs about randomly hooking up in a forest ever written for a Broadway musical! It is also one of the many adult elements of the show that made it so great to watch when I was 16 yrs old and more than anything in the world wanted to grow up to be Bernadette Peters (The Jerk, Silent Movie).

Also changed is the ultimate fate of poor crazy-pants Rapunzel. The Into The Woods version of the character was not so much a adorably quirky damsel with a frying pan and more along the lines of a deeply troubled young woman who, as a result of being being raised as a shut in by her adoptive mother/kidnapper, ends up with P.T.S.D., among other issues, and who so does not get a happy ending. This was apparently deemed too dark an ending for a Disney film (go figure) so they changed it.

The genius musical god, whom us mortals know as Stephan Sondheim, recently talked to The New Yorker about the decisions made by our dread Mouse Overlords to alter the story for the film.

“You will find in the movie that Rapunzel does not get killed, and the prince does not sleep with the baker’s wife,” he said.
The teachers gasped, but Sondheim shrugged. “You know, if I were a Disney executive I would probably say the same thing,” he said.
A teacher asked what would happen to the song “Any Moment” if the baker’s wife remained chaste. “Don’t say the song is cut.”
“The song is cut.”
The teachers cried out in despair.
“I’m sorry, I should say, it’s probably cut,” Sondheim said.
“Stick up for that song!” a teacher called out.
“I did, I did,” Sondheim said. “But Disney said, we don’t want Rapunzel to die, so we replotted it. I won’t tell you what happens, but we wrote a new song to cover it.”

Which honestly I can see why they would do that, but if they did not want to make a movie about characters making bad decisions, sexing up and ending tragically WHY THE HECK ARE THE MAKING INTO THE WOODS INTO A MOVE? Seriously! That show is nothing but bad decisions, on top of stupid ones, on top of seriously Prince Charming what the heck were you thinking? It’s a fairy tale with all of the sex and death left in, with a nice patina of cynicism over the whole thing.

I tend to give Disney a break on a great many things, I get that they have a brand to protect and too much adult content is antithetical to what they are going for but seriously, if they do not want to make movies that are explicitly for grownups do not use source material that is premised on its adult nature and sexy dark cynicism. That said I am still going to go see Into The Woods because Chris Pine (Star Trek, Princess Diaries 2).

To make up for this bad news here is Any Moment in all of its original glory. Enjoy!

And for everyone who has no idea what I am talking about and why my dark twisted soul thinks Into the Woods is one of the greatest musicals of all time here is a great article written by Michiko Kakutani for the New York Times about Into the Woods and how it hits our Disney raised sensibilities like a hammer to the face, but in a good way.

Jurassic World- Director Colin Trevorrow (Safety Not Guaranteed) has posted a new set photo from Jurassic World on the twitter that is the very definition of a tease and unlike the last photos previously posted, this one is kind of a little scary. His caption for the picture? Night.

Lucy: Here are a couple of new trailers for Luc Besson’s techno-action-superhero hybrid film Lucy, staring Scarlett Johansson (The Avengers, Lost in Translation, The Nanny Diaries). Try to breath through the science rage every time they mention how using 100% of her brain = superpowers and then look at kitten gifs.

Snowpiercer- It is almost time for Snowpiercer, the movie that I am clearly obsessed with, to finally make its U.S. Debut on June 27th! Here are some more details about how amazing it is from when the New York Times talked to Director Bong Joon-ho (The Host) about the art direction of the film.

“I was fortunate, because at the time, outside of France, Korea was the only country where they published this particular graphic novel,” he said, speaking by phone from his home in Seoul. “I was taken by the unique setting and the artwork.”

The film draws stark visual contrasts between the classes. While many of Mr. Bong’s ideas were modeled on the graphic novel, his film forges ahead on its own through bold design choices.

“If you were to compare the sections to a luxury department store or a high-end hotel, the rooms are all really colorful and stylish,” he said. “But then if you enter the staff-only section, you see exposed cement, pipes and dirt. The idea was to approach the film in that way so you could really see the different tones on the train.”

Star Wars Rumors- First off a correction, apparently the internet got it wrong. Harrison Ford (Star Wars, Indiana Jones, Working Girl) did not break an ankle, he broke his leg. Which I guess is better than breaking hip in his age demographic? And now I am sad that I just made myself think about Indie with a life alert necklace. Anyways he is recovering just fine with his lovely wife Allie McBeal, aka Calista Flockhart (A Midsummer’s Nights Dream, The Birdcage) at his side. No word on the length of her skirt.

In non-injury related Star Wars: Episode VII news, Making Star Wars has caused all sorts of a ruckus this week when they posted a spoiler/speculation twofer about some possible villains for the upcoming film. Which nothing new, until the movie hits theaters everyone and their Nana is going to be finding the odd bits of franken-rumor, made up of could be, maybe and we only freaking wish sewn together with the love and deep crazy of a true fan, and presenting them to the world as a maybe fact. It is the nature of the game.

Things got interesting when TheForce.net jumped in to refute it, saying is was 100% grade A bupkis, which was quickly followed by The Latino Review stepping in to give their take on the matter. As The Latino Review is often patient zero for many a internet rumor it was nice to see them use their spoiler powers to parse out what they say is fact from fiction in the original article posted on Making Star Wars.

“Yes, Lupita Nyong’o and Adam Driver are in our villain cluster and there’s something vaguely Sith about the way they operate. Remember the column where I said there was a female villain who may or may not be a Sith? That’s because, like Making Star Wars mentions elsewhere in the piece, this isn’t from a source that’s read the script..
No Jedi Hunters, though there will be black-clad villains with lightsabers.
No Inquisitor or CG character played by David Oyelowo.”

Once the band-aid was ripped off they go on for a while about what they think Making Star Wars got right.

BUT – design wise – there’s a lot about this report that’s spot on. Specifically, I was thrilled to hear about the black and chrome Storm Troopers. The more we get into Pinewood shooting, the more I’m hearing about shoots on a Star Destroyer set (because of the way the windows are shaped on the bridge) and various armors. If the New Republic doesn’t exist, I’m not sure what government exists, but stuff from The Empire is still around even if it’s aesthetically changed.

They talk about it in more depth here, with additional speculation as to what they think is the deal with the OT3 (Luke, Leia, & Han) and what the master plan might be.

And with that we reach the end of today’s installment, of what turned out to be a surprisingly fairy tale heavy edition of Rampant Speculation! I blame Disney. Have a good week and I will be back on Monday to further advance my incipient case of carpel tunnel syndrome while reporting on everything that broke over the weekend that I happen to notice!

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