by G. E. Uke, Reporter
As I write this review I am coming down from a frothing Generation X rage after a young man at the theater said something deprecating about the movie I just watched. So I must beg your indulgence for a moment, gentle reader, while I get something off my chest. On the off chance that that young man somehow reads this, I will be addressing his concerns directly.
You. Little. #$+&.
Indiana Jones and the Dial of Destiny is set in the mid 1900s, so yes, it has a certain paradigm. And it KEEPS that paradigm because it PIONEERED it in the first place. It doesn’t NEED super graphics, it doesn’t NEED slick hot actors doing Kung Fu and waving dumb Final Fantasy katanas in the air, and it is NOT by any means a bad movie for lacking those things. Those things would DIMINISH it. Then it would just be another dumb action movie, and we have plenty of those already.
So don’t you DARE try to pollute my beloved original gangster low-fantasy hero with your petty need for shallow plotlines and miniskirts. Phoebe Waller-Bridge did a FANTASTIC job portraying a strong female antihero and I don’t CARE that she wore pants and didn’t have any romantic scenes. Indie is her GODFATHER. It’s a passing the torch movie. Get over it. He was young and virile once, but now he’s an old mentor figure. These movies are meant to showcase an unsung hero’s journey through life. You punk.
Ahem. Right.
Dial of Destiny is my new favorite Indiana Jones movie. Much like the Crystal Skull, it began strong. But unlike the Crystal Skull it finished strong, and it didn’t feel rushed or suffer from looking too artificial or clean or CGI near the end. The action was great, the dialogue was great, the story was great, and the artifact was far more thematically appropriate to the genre than the skull of a spaceman. The backdrops and action scenes were mundane and sensible in their realism, so they were perfect. And like all good Indie movies you only saw the real supernatural stuff near the end. This made it much more impactful.
In fact, Dial of Destiny has restored my faith in the idea that great Indy movies can still be made in this modern era of high technology and entitled cinematic tastes. It recaptured the feel of the great hero I admired in my youth, and I never thought I would feel that again. I had despaired that this era of cinema was gone, like the great instrumental rock bands of the 90s and early 2000s. Killed dead by computers offering cheap digital music requiring no actual skill or instrumental ability, never to return.
I was wrong.
Harrison Ford is something of a controversial figure, and apparently I have James Mangold to thank for it. I must look closer at this director. Spielberg and Lucas are getting old now.
Indy is a well developed character with an amazing history, and we expect to see that. He isn’t a superhero, he is a man who led an extraordinary life and got dragged into crazy events. It’s charming to watch this old weathered man reveal a glimmer of the great hero he once was, and flashbacks of his role in historical events that the world refuses to recognize or honor him for.
Rating: 
ComicsOnline gives Indiana Jones and the Dial of Destiny – 5/5 surprising installments in the Indiana Jones franchise.
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