by Emma Smith, Assistant Editor

Star Wars is Dead. Long Live Star Wars. 

Disney has brought us to the end of the Skywalker Saga.⁽¹⁾ Strap yourselves in my friends, because if you thought your family was dysfunctional,⁽²⁾ I am here to tell you that the Skywalkers’ Christmas is undoubtedly way more awkward than yours.⁽³⁾

Entry scroll – life is kind of shit, but we’re all hanging in there. The galaxy is strained under the rule of the neo-Nazis First Order; Rey is training to be a Jedi;⁽⁴⁾ and Kylo Ren is wandering around looking emo-ly at his grandpa’s crumpled helmet.⁽⁵⁾ Stuff happens, the galaxy is in danger, and our intrepid hero(es) must rush to save the day. It’s the classic hero’s journey, and any more details would put me at risk of angry geek death for SPOILERS, so look, it’s what it says on the package.

The performances in this movie are mostly good and completely in line with Episodes 7 and 8. Daisy Ridley does a good job of making Rey compelling, despite her complete lack of flaws.⁽⁶⁾ Oscar Isaac continues to run around making fun, dashing hints at Poe’s previous life of crime. John Boyega gets a nice little subplot related to his previous life as a Stormtrooper. Adam Driver continues to be very miscast as Ben Skywalker/Kylo Ren, but mostly in a way that doesn’t really seem to be his fault.⁽⁷⁾ Familiar characters pop up with regularity.⁽⁸⁾ A few new ones are added to the mix, though the only new character of real note is Naomi Ackie’s Jannah.⁽⁹⁾ More movies with her please.⁽¹⁰⁾ However, it is weirdly heavy on sexual tension. All the sexual tension.⁽¹¹⁾ Have you been shipping two characters? If so, they will probably have some sort of weird sexual tension in this movie.⁽¹²⁾ 

Everyone involved does the best they can with the scenes that needed Princess Leia/General Organa,⁽¹³⁾ but there is a Carrie Fisher sized hole in the movie. The writers did a decent job of revamping plot points I would guess originally relied on her, and there is even one that may have ended up more emotionally compelling than it would have been otherwise.⁽¹⁴⁾ Still, it is noticeable.  

As expected, the set pieces and cinematography are nicely done.⁽¹⁵⁾ The movie adds some fun pieces to the Star Wars universe. We get a couple of new planets and some new animals.⁽¹⁶⁾ The red stormtroopers are visually stunning if not any more practical than the original white dudes.⁽¹⁷⁾ As is now standard, we get a new set of binoculars spaceship and a new droid, this time a conehead.⁽¹⁸⁾ Cinematographer Chris Mendel spends portions of the movie playing with borderline chiaroscuro levels of light and dark, fitting given the overall themes of the movie. The scenes on the abandoned wreck of the Death Star are particularly stunning. The visual effects are a bit more uneven. There is a scene of “light speed skipping” early in the move that is a pleasure to watch.⁽¹⁹⁾ And the lightsabers look the closest they ever have to raw energy. Unfortunately, the technology used to bring back certain faces is still not developed enough, leading to some jarring appearances.⁽²⁰⁾

The best and worst thing about this movie is the same thing – it feels like Star Wars paint-by-numbers. It is entertaining. It has new technology, it has quirky characters, it has the big lightsaber fights, it has a FINAL BATTLE. It has all the fan service you can squeeze into two and a half hours. The plot does contain a certain circularity I found satisfying, and there are some interesting tie-ins to the previously movies. But while the movie is often feels fun, it never really feels organic. It never even seems to try for what made the original trilogy so amazing: innovation. 

Ultimately, Star Wars: The Rise of Skywalker is an entertaining bookend to the trilogy and worth seeing.⁽²¹⁾ 

ComicsOnline gives Star Wars: The Rise of Skywalker 3.5 out of 5 Force Flips. 

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⁽¹⁾ Allegedly anyway. I’m far too cynical to think they can actually resist revisiting these characters. 

⁽²⁾ Also possibly other families, but you know spoilers are bad so you’ll have to see the movie for clarity. Don’t look at me like that. I know you already bought your ticket. 

⁽³⁾ Look I know there was a Christmas special. And it was super awkward. Just let me have this joke. 

⁽⁴⁾ THIS IS NOT A SPOILER. Calm down. Everyone who saw a trailer figured that out. 

⁽⁵⁾ I know it’s supposed to be all impressive how destroyed it is, but does anyone else think it just looks like a bad plastic Halloween mask got left out in the sun? Just me? Cool.

⁽⁶⁾ Look I refuse to call her a Mary Sue because people keep using that term incorrectly, but it really is a horrible and completely mystifying choice on the part of the writers. This is very lazy writing, and they are exceedingly lucky Ridley is as good an actor as she is. 

⁽⁷⁾ Dude, I’m sorry and really like him as an actor but WHY. WHO LOOKED AT CARRIE FISHER AND HARRISON FORD AND CAME UP WITH THIS IDEA?

⁽⁸⁾ If you’re wondering will my favorite character be mentioned/featured in a cameo? Yes. Except Baby Yoda. If you actually thought Disney would risk that, you don’t understand corporate filmmaking at all. 

⁽⁹⁾ Also if you’re wondering why there’s no mention of Rose in this review, welp I’m afraid that absence is your answer. Sorry if you’re a fan. Don’t get your hopes up for much.

⁽¹⁰⁾ This is a general request, but Star Wars specific is acceptable. 

⁽¹¹⁾ At a level where I seriously started to wonder if Abrams was super horny when he directed this.

⁽¹²⁾ Unless you ship Kylo Hux. Y’all are still going to be driving the hate!sex train.

⁽¹³⁾ Generally speaking the technology really isn’t quite there yet, and it does show. 

⁽¹⁴⁾ Like obscenity, I suspect you’ll know it when you see it.

⁽¹⁵⁾ In a shocking deviation from current trends, they actually did not put ALL the coolest shots in the trailer. Of course that may only be because the movie is incredibly long, but I’ll take it. 

⁽¹⁶⁾ Much bigger than the Porgs, surprisingly, which seems like a marketing miscalculation.

⁽¹⁷⁾ Seriously, though? Let me outline the most vulnerable parts of my body in very noticeable colors like a giant bulls-eye.

⁽¹⁸⁾ Fun Fact – both Dan Aykroyd and Daisy Ridley have a Kevin Bacon number of 2.

⁽¹⁹⁾ Unless you get motion sickness easily. Then this movie is going to be really rough.

⁽²⁰⁾ JarJaring, am I right? (not sorry)

⁽²¹⁾ Closure is a thing.

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