I have taken the time to compile a list of the Rules of Acquisition that I could find below and hope you will appreciate them. As you read through I will say my top five favorite rules are, 15, 47, 76, 125, and 193.
The rules are as follows:
1 – “Once you have their money, you never give it back.” (Well… No kidding!)
2 – “The best deal is the one that makes the most profit.” (Who would make a deal with no profit?)
3 – “Never spend more for an acquisition than you have to.” (Can’t really argue here.)
4 – “A woman wearing clothes is like a man in the kitchen.” (Ok… so the Ferengi are really misogynistic. Not a rule I agree with, although I who doesn’t love a naked woman?)
5 – “Always exaggerate your estimates.” (I think Rick from Pawn Stars has this one backwards.)
6 – “Never let family stand in the way of opportunity.” (I don’t like my family so I won’t argue with this one!)
7 – “Always keep your ears open.” (You can close them?)
8 – “Small print leads to large risk.” (Like an iTunes license agreement… Click accept and next thing you know, you’ve been turned into a human centipad.)
9 – “Opportunity, plus instinct, equals profit.” (Sounds about right.)
10 – “Greed is eternal.” (Like an Evil cybernetic Walt Disney.)

11 – “Even if it’s free, you can always buy it cheaper.” (Theft is cheaper if you don’t get caught.)
12 – “Anything worth selling is worth selling twice.” (Why do you think Hot Topic is always running BOGO deals?)
13 – “Anything worth doing is worth doing for money.”
15 – “Dead men close no deals.” (Unless you are a Necromancer and can raise the dead…)
16 – “A deal is a deal (is a deal)…until a better one comes along.” (Shop around when making a deal with a Ferengi!)
17 – “A contract is a contract is a contract… but only between Ferengi.” (See what I said about backstabbing?)
18 – “A Ferengi without profit is no Ferengi at all.” (So they are anti-Ferengi?)
19 – “Satisfaction is not guaranteed.” (Like that one girl I dated for a few weeks when I was 20, should have told me…)
20 – “He who dives under the table today lives to profit tomorrow.” (Time to start checking under tables.)

21 – “Never place friendship before profit.” (Who needs friends when you have money?)
22 – “Wise men can hear profit in the wind.” (Sounds like wise men need to lay off the LSD.)
23 – “Nothing is more important than your health…except for your money.” (With enough money you can buy health!)
27 – “There’s nothing more dangerous than an honest businessman.” (Not wrong.)
29 – “What’s in it for me?” (Money?)
30 – “A wise man knows that confidentiality equals profit.” (I think they are talking about blackmail.)
31 – “Never make fun of a Ferengi’s mother.” (Are fathers ok?)
32 – “Insult something he cares about.” (But not his mother!)
33 – “It never hurts to suck up to the boss.” (As once being the boss… it’s not wrong.)

34 – “War is good for business.” (Ask Truman!)
35 – “Peace is good for business.” (Wait, Rule 34… Just covering all the bases here.)
37 – “The early investor reaps the most interest.” (I think my bank teller said that when he was trying to get me to open a new savings account.)
39 – “Don’t tell customers more than they need to know.” (This is so true!)
40 – “She can touch your lobes but never your latinum.” (The Ferengi really don’t like their women…)
41 – “Profit is its own reward.” (So no happiness?)
43 – “Feed your greed, but not enough to choke it.” (Choking is bad… you can die.)
44 – “Never confuse wisdom with luck.” (Wisdom is not adding a tomato to a fruit salad. Luck is finding $20 in your fruit salad.)
45 – “Expand or die.” (I think Starbucks took this too literally.)
47 – “Never trust a man wearing a better suit than your own.” (Sound advice.)

48 – “The bigger the smile, the sharper the knife.” (I just got a flashback of when an ex-girlfriend was smiling at me… before she stabbed me with a fork.)
52 – “Never ask when you can take.” (Don’t tell my toddler this one.)
53 – “Never trust anybody taller than you.” (I’m pretty tall already so not a problem for me.)
54 – “Rate divided by time equals profit.” (Also known as “The Velocity of Wealth.”)
55 – “Take joy from profit, and profit from joy.” (It’s like an infinity loop.)
57 – “Good customers are almost as rare as latinum…treasure them.” (I always loved my regulars.)
58 – “There is no substitute for success.” (No there really isn’t.)
59 – “Free advice is seldom cheap.” (It might take a year, two or three but that favor comes back to bite you.)
60 – “Keep your lies consistent.” (Well… its not wrong.)
62 – “The riskier the road, the greater the profit.” (But on the safe road, I’m less likely to die.)

63 – “Work is the best therapy at least for your employees.” (Someone should have told my employees that.)
65 – “Win or lose, there’s always Hupyrian beetle snuff.” (I think what they are trying to say is Win or lose there’s always cocaine.)
69 – “Ferengi are not responsible for the stupidity of other races.” (Good rule, really good rule.)
74 – “Knowledge equals profit.” (Knowledge equals power.)
75 – “Home is where the heart is, but the stars are made of latinum.” (Sound advice)
76 – “Every once in a while, declare peace. It confuses the Hell out of your enemies.” (It really does and it’s a lot of fun!)
77 – “If you break it, you bought it.” (This is actually harder to enforce then one would think.)
79 – “Beware of the Vulcan greed for knowledge.” (Damn greedy Vulcans.)
82 – “The flimsier the product, the higher the price.” (Then sell it to the government!)
85 – “Never let the competition know what you’re thinking.” (Sound advice!)

87 – “Learn the customer’s weaknesses, so that you can better take advantage of him.” (Car salesmen live by this.)
88 – “It ain’t over ’til it’s over.” (Babe Ruth?)
89 – “Ask not what you can do for your profits, but what your profits can do for you.” (I’m talking to my bank card… It’s not responding.)
92 – “There are many paths to profit.” (The left, the right, and straight ahead?)
94 – “Females and finances don’t mix.” (Ya know, I’m just not going to touch this one.)
95 – “Expand or die.” (A bit morbid…)
97 – “Enough…is never enough.” (I think this was written by an addict.)
98 – “Every man has his price.” (It’s not wrong, the hard part is finding that price)
99 – “Trust is the biggest liability of all.” (True, however following this will leave you lonely.)

100 – “When it’s good for business, tell the truth.” (Sometimes brutal honesty is the best way to close a sale. Today you learned!)
102 – “Nature decays, but latinum lasts forever.” (Like Styrofoam cups?)
103 – “Sleep can interfere with…” (That’s what she said?)
104 – “Faith moves mountains…of inventory.” (The bible is not only the bestselling book in the world it is also the most stolen!)
106 – “There is no honor in poverty.” (There doesn’t seem to be much honor in the super rich either… just look in the news at the moment!)
109 – “Dignity and an empty sack is worth the sack.” (Is the sack from Coach? If so that’s a pricy sack!)
110 – “Exploitation begins at home.” (Not wrong! Think about kids fundraisers, who are the first people asked when a parent needs to sell crap for their kid!)
111 – “Treat people in your debt like family… exploit them.” (See rule #110?)
112 – “Never have sex with the boss’s sister.” (Yeah… or the boss’s wife.)
113 – “Always have sex with the boss.” (Funny thing, I know a few of my former boss’s that got fired for this. (Not with me!))

121 – “Everything is for sale, even friendship.” (Lost some friends who decided to follow this.)
123 – “Even a blind man can recognize the glow of Latinum.” (Money does have that weird money smell.)
125 – “You can’t make a deal if you’re dead.” (Unless you fake your death! But that is a lot of work.)
135 – “Listen to secrets, but never repeat them.” (Knowing secrets helps when you want to blackmail people.)
139 – “Wives serve; brothers inherit.” (Following this rule is a good way to end up without a wife.)
141 – “Only fools pay retail.” (Shop amazon!)
144 – “There’s nothing wrong with charity… as long as it winds up in your pocket.” (Most charity heads seem to live by this rule.)
147 – “People love the bartender.” (Always tip your bartender, and tip well.)
153 – “Sell the sizzle, not the steak.” (Restaurant marketing 101)
162 – “Even in the worst of times, someone turns a profit.” (War sells!)

168 – “Whisper your way to success.” (Having the ear of the right people is one way to the top.)
177 – “Know your enemies… but do business with them always.” (Good money, bad money, it’s all green!)
181 – “Not even dishonesty can tarnish the shine of profit.” (Sometimes it really can.)
183 – “When life hands you ungaberries, make detergent.” (Ok… I got nothing on this one.)
184 – “A Ferengi waits to bid until his opponents have exhausted themselves.” (They can’t out bid you if they have no money!)
188 – “Not even dishonesty can tarnish the shine of profit.” (No but your profits can be sized for fraud…)
189 – “Let others keep their reputation. You keep their money.” (Well I do like other people’s money…)
190 – “Hear all, trust nothing.” (Take everything with a grain of salt kind of rule?)
192 – “Never cheat a Klingon… unless you’re sure you can get away with it.” (Even then it’s not recommended)
193 – “Trouble comes in threes.” (This is just a truth of life.)

194 – “It’s always good business to know about new customers before they walk in your door.” (Shaking babies and kissing hands! Oh wait… reverse that.)
199 – “Location, location, location.” (Even humans follow this rule!)
200 – “A Ferengi chooses no side but his own” (Like my ex! Zing!)
202 – “The justification for profit is profit.” (Why do you need to justify profit?)
203 – “New customers are like razor-toothed gree worms. They can be succulent, but sometimes they bite back.” (So like Chipotle?)
208 – “Sometimes, the only thing more dangerous than a question is an answer.” (Does this dress make me look fat?)
211 – “Employees are the rungs on the ladder of success, don’t hesitate to step on them.” (True but it does come back to bite you… in the booty!)
212 – “A good lie is easier to believe than the truth.” (Sometimes this really is the truth.)
214 – “Never begin a business transaction on an empty stomach.” (Don’t really do anything on an empty stomach. Food is amazing!)
216 – “Never gamble with a telepath.” (Get the telepath to gamble for you!)

217 – “You can’t free a fish from water.” (Sushi?)
218 – “Always know what you’re buying.” (Not bad advice.)
218 – “Sometimes what you get free costs entirely too much.” (Yeah…)
219 – “Possession is eleven tenths of the law!” (I think my old Math teacher’s eye is twitching.)
223 – “Beware the man who doesn’t take time for Oo-mox.” (FYI, Oo-mox is like sex.)
227 – “If that’s what’s written, then that’s what’s written.” (Motto of Divorce lawyers!)
229 – “Latinum lasts longer than lust.” (But lust is more fun!)
235 – “Duck; death is tall.” (Death can also bend over.)
236 – “You can’t buy fate.” (No but you could plan against it.)

239 – “Never be afraid to mislabel a product.” (Don’t be surprised when the customer catches on.)
240 – “Time, like latinum, is a highly limited commodity.” (Wasting time is never a good idea.)
242 – “More is good…all is better.” (I do like all.)
243 – “Always leave yourself an out.” (Smart move.)
255 – “A wife is a luxury… a smart accountant a necessity.” (I’ll take my wife over an accountant any day!)
257 – “When the messenger comes to appropriate your profits, kill the messenger.” (Kind of sucks to be the messenger…)
261 – “A wealthy man can afford everything except a conscience.” (Nope, but I could buy a cricket!)
263 – “Never let doubt interfere with your lust for Latinum.” (True.)
266 – “When in doubt, lie.” (My ex-wife took this to heart.)
272 – “Always inspect the merchandise before making a deal.” (Would you buy a car sight unseen?)

280 – “If it ain’t broke, don’t fix it.” (Wise words.)
284 – “Deep down, everyone’s a Ferengi.” (After reading these, I don’t think it’s wrong.)
285 – “No good deed ever goes unpunished.” (Well… I’m in trouble then.)

Additional Unofficial Rules

286 – “When Morn leaves, it’s all over.” (Morn is apparently the life of the party.)
299 – “After you’ve exploited someone, it never hurts to thank them. That way, it’s easier to exploit them next time.” (This is oddly true.)
303 – “The sheep want to be fleeced!” (I think I saw a youtube video about a sheep enjoying being sheered too much…)

Additional Rules without numbers

“Always get somebody else to do the lifting.” (Work smarter not harder.)
“Never get into anything that you can’t get out of.” (Smart words.)
“A man is only worth the sum of his possessions.” (So say the estate lawyers.)
“An angry man is an enemy, and a satisfied man is an ally.” (Fairly accurate.)
“The less employees know about the cash flow, the smaller the share they can demand.” (True but the more likely they are to revolt.)
“Only a fool passes up a business opportunity.” (Don’t be a fool! Pity the fool!)
“The more time they take deciding, the more money they will spend.” (Not wrong at all.)
“I found it; it’s mine” (My toddler lives by this.)
“Lets you and him fight” (And to the victor go the spoils?)
“A deal is a deal” (All lawyers live by this!)
“When no appropriate rule applies, make one up.” (I like this one!)