And that  … ^^^^^^ … is the least disappointing part of the movie.

Writen by: Marc Lutz, Reporter

*ahem* … Straight from Wikipedia, regarding this movie, and I quote:

“Fantastic Four (stylized as Fant4stic) is a 2015 American superhero film based on the Marvel Comics superhero team of the same name. It is the third theatrical Fantastic Four film to be distributed by 20th Century Fox, and a reboot of the Fantastic Four film franchise. Directed by Josh Trank, with a screenplay by Jeremy Slater, Simon Kinberg and Trank, the film stars Miles Teller,Michael B. Jordan, Kate Mara, Jamie Bell, Toby Kebbell, Reg E. Cathey, and Tim Blake Nelson. In Fantastic Four, the team must learn to harness abilities gained from an alternate universe to save Earth from a friend turned enemy.”

I use this entry from Wikipedia, not to plagiarize them, but because that is possibly the nicest thing that anyone can say about this bit of cinematography.

For those of you who have yet to see this film, there will be spoilers. For those of you who have already seen it, you won’t see or hear anything new.  Please keep in mind, this is my review and opinion of the movie.  Before we begin, those of you know me know that when I go see a movie based on comics, I am three minds.  My comic mind, my movie mind, and the rest of my mind.  Rarely do all three minds agree on a comic based movie like they do here.  You have been warned.

Overview

I believe that my initial thought when coming out of the movie is going to just about cover it.  Not even out of the doors of the theater yet and I posted “Wow, that was…ummm.. uhh.. wow just.. save your money.”  I stand by this statement, now let me tell you why.

My Comic Mind

I know going into any comic based movie, that there is going to be a certain lack of continuity, and I expect that.  Movie makers are doing just that, making movies.  Comic writers write comics, movie makers make movies.  I get it.  However, when Sue Storm (Kate Mara) is a good looking white woman, and Johnny Storm (Michael B. Jordan) is a tall thrill seeking black guy, and they’re related, this begs the question “Whuh”?  And to answer the question what is the screen writers answer?  “She’s adopted.”  Uh-huh.  Ok screen writers, I’ll suspend my disbelief a little more and let that one slide.  Enter pouty, angsty Victor Von Doom though (Toby Kebbell) and that stretches a little too far.  No pun intended.

My Movie Mind

I like movies.  I like going to movies.  I like being taken out of reality for two hours and letting my mind explore possibilities that are only limited by my own imagination.  And then there was this.  Let’s let largely untested Reed Richards (Miles Teller) build a gateway to another dimension, test it one time on a monkey (albeit successfully – he got lucky) and then say “Oh great! Now lets put real people in there!”  A nice montage to build the damn thing, and then skipping right through testing like a drug company promising weight loss and muscle gain.  Drama ensues, feelings are hurt, actions are taken, things happen, more drama, Reed runs away in an attempt to find answers, comes back and is taken back by his friends with no questions asked – not even a “Where ya been?”, all lead to exciting climactic fight scene against the bad guy which lasts…  wait for it…  four minutes.  I’ve seen better plot development in junior high sex ed films.  I’m not sayin’, but I’m sayin’.

My Other Mind

This is where some fun begins.  Stats and facts to support my opinion.  Browsing some of the interwebs yesterday (Saturday, August 8, 2015) I came across a headline that said “First round of review in for Fant4stic, worse than expected”.  No kidding.  Put out a crap film, get crap reviews.  As of this writing, I shall compare scores from our friends at www.rottentomatoes.com.

Fantastic Four (2015) –  9%

Attach of the Killer Tomatoes (1978) – 27%

The Toxic Avenger (1984) – 67%

Surf Nazi’s Must Die (1987) – 20%

The Curious Case of Benjamin Boring … err. Button (2008) – 72%

I wouldn’t be at all surprised if you haven’t heard of the middle three movies in that short list at all.  That should tell you something about the gross sucktitude of this movie.

Good Points

I counted two.

First and foremost, Kate Mara did an amazing job portraying the strong, intelligent character that Sue Storm is.

Doom’s costume was actually kinda BA.

End Result

In case you couldn’t guess by now, I stand by my initial review of “Save your money.”  I’ll even go further than that.  Give away your free ticket(s).  Don’t wait for it on DVD.  It’s not even worth watching as a Lifetime Movie Special with limited commercial interruption.  Go do something productive with your hour and half, like.. take up spelunking, or macrame.  You could even paint a room and wait to watch the paint peel and it would be time better spent.  Save your money, you’ll thank me later.

Rating:
ComicsOnline gives Fan4stic one half out of 5 HERBIE Robots

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