by Chelsea Doyle, Editor, and Jachelle Overstreet, Reporter

 THERE WILL BE MAJOR SPOILERS IN THIS REVIEW. YOU HAVE BEEN WARNED.

Previously on Game of Thrones: GEORGE R. R. MARTIN FEEDS ON OUR TEARS.

Ahem. Previously on Game of Thrones: NOTHING IS OKAY AND EVERYTHING HURTS.

Third time’s the charm. Previously on Game of Thrones: WE WILL NEVER BE HAPPY AGAIN.

Might as well get to it.

Everything but the Red Wedding: Team Stark almost meet this week! Jon and the Wildlings are coming up to the wall and they chase down a farmer who sees them. Jon is ordered to kill the innocent man. He has no idea that his little brothers Bran and Rickon are hiding not more than 20 feet away in a tower, terrified and not certain who is below. Bran manages to possess Hodor when he panics and then uses his Warg abilities to control his direwolf. Jon refuses to kill the man and Ygritte does instead, but it’s too late, they attack Jon and he fights them off with the help of the direwolves. Including Bran’s! Jon manages to run away but leaves a heartbroken Ygritte behind. Bran says he saw Jon and they decide to split into two teams, one to go to the Wall and one (Osha and Rickon) to go to a safe area. Sam and Gilly do something no one cares about. Daario leads Dany’s people a secret way into the fortress, and they have a violent fight with the guards, but end up saving the day. Jorah looks pretty upset that Dany’s like ooooh Daario. Arya and the Hound descend upon the Twins, ready to be reunited with Robb and Catelyn.

The Red Wedding: And here we go. Deep breaths. Catelyn and Robb bond over deciding together what to do as his next step. He wants to attack Casterly Rock directly to take the Lannister stronghold. They have to make peace with Walder Frey first, and use his people to keep going. Frey has agreed to forgive the slight Robb gave him in exchange for Edmure marrying one of his girls. They arrive at the castle and he makes Robb apologize to all of his daughters, and then gives Talisa a piggish once over. In the end he shrugs and said he would’ve done the same at Robb’s age and agrees to make peace. They prepare for a wedding and Edmure is delighted to find out his bride is pretty and sweet after all. Roose Bolton and the rest of the North come in for the wedding, and all seems to be well. (hahahalifesucks) Talisa says they should name their kid Eddard if he’s a son. This is where you go NO NO NO THIS CAN ONLY END POORLY. Once Edmure and his bride are gone, the doors are shut in the main hall. Catelyn almost immediately knows something is happening, her wariness setting in.

The band starts playing The Rains of Castamere, and for those not in the know, that’s the house song for Lannister. Catelyn meets Bolton’s eyes and immediately panics, telling Robb to run. It’s too late though. Frey’s people murders all of the army inside and outside of the castle, and Talisa is stabbed right in the stomach many times until she dies. Robb is shot with a few arrows and goes down to his wife, and Catelyn is shot too. She grabs Frey’s wife and threatens her, begging to let Robb go in exchange. But that’s not what is going to happen, and she has to know it on some level. Bolton murders Robb himself, stabbing him in the heart and saying the Lannisters send their regards. Or pay their debts? Catelyn kills the girl but gives up entirely and gets her throat slit. Arya arrives at the castle just in time to see all her brother’s people get murdered and hears her mother and brother are dead. Every viewer curls up in a fetal position. Before going to full out rage. Sometimes tears. Look at the twitter @redweddingtears if you want to see the reaction. Those of us who knew what was coming feel much the same way.

General Opinion of the Episode

Dee: Let me tell you a story about Dee in 2000. She still believed in good. She knew Eddard Stark died and that was unfortunate, but it was okay because the Starks could still rise again. She sat down to read and threw down A Sword of Storms with a yell. “Never again, George R. R. Martin she said. I hate you. I will never read your books. You’ve gone too far. Why do you create things I love and destroy them?” No one since Joss Whedon made her feel like this, but even Whedon wasn’t this cruel and callous about the life of his characters. And yet ten minutes later she sat down and started reading again. I was ready for this, but I’m not sure if it’s easy to be ready. It still was very difficult to watch. It’s hard to know this book series and what’s coming and not warn people, especially about the Red Wedding. But all those people raging together will probably admit they’d rather not be spoiled. The visceral reaction is important in a lot of ways. I got some ice cream last night and watched on Tumblr, Twitter, and Facebook as everyone had a meltdown. I think it says a lot about how powerful literature/media can be. It seems strange to say that a television show or a book can make you cry or make you hurt, but it’s sort of what I love about media? It touches something within us, something about the human experience, and it leads to this intensity. It’s really fascinating to watch. Martin based a lot of his stories off historical events, and this one was based off the Black Dinner in Scotland. I could write an essay about the Red Wedding. Needless to say, it was painful. Seeing Jon get so close to Bran and Rickon was also painful. Seeing Arya experience that was painful. It’s not going to get better, folks. Saddle up.

Jachelle: Let me tell you a story about Jachelle in 2012. She was a defenseless baby deer wandering into the painful and gut-wrenching forest of ASOIAF. She was having trouble remembering something that had happened earlier in the series and foolishly went to the wiki to double check. Her damned curiosity led her astray and she stumbled upon the Red Wedding. Everything hurt. Nothing was okay. And then she was yelled at by Dee for weeks for spoiling herself. Sigh. But even with being spoiled, I was in no way prepared for this episode. I’ve been yelling for weeks that I’ll never be ready. Because how do you prepare for watching something like this happen? It’s gut wrenching. It makes me want to curl into a ball and sob. But at the same time, I wouldn’t trade it for anything. I love having this connection to characters and the media. I love that this show gives me such a range of feelings from glee to fury to hopeless despair. And when something as powerful as the Red Wedding happens, it brings everyone together as fans. You cry, you lament, you keysmash and capslock and these other people know EXACTLY HOW YOU FEEL. It’s an amazing feeling. Even when it’s over something tragic. Stay strong, my sweet summer children. We will carry on together.

Favorite Scene

Dee: I don’t know that I can pick a favorite scene. The Red Wedding feels  like the wrong thing to pick. But I can tell you the moment I liked the most in it. That would be when Catelyn starts understanding. The actress is unbelievable in this scene. She communicated so much in her eyes and expression alone. Her slow dread as the doors close, then she hears the music, and meets the eyes of Roose Bolton. Seeing his chainmail. That was some amazing built tension.

Jachelle: I just can’t pick the Red Wedding. I can’t. It still hurts to much. So instead I’m going to choose Bran and Rickon’s farewell to each other in the tower. For those who don’t know, I’m big on family. I have four younger siblings who mean the world to me. So sibling relationships and interactions always really strike home for me.  And this scene just gutted me. Bran was doing what he had to do to keep his little brother safe, even when Rickon was adamant that they had to stay together. When he told Bran that he had to protect him, I burst out into tears. That scene was so well done and bittersweet. It makes me happy and terribly sad all at the same time.

Least Favorite Scene

Dee: I don’t have one because I feel like the Red Wedding can’t be for both. Maybe it can? It hurt me to watch. I do want to make one small criticism here though. I think that the throat slitting didn’t seem realistic. Oh god why did I type those words. Never mind. But it didn’t look real? I don’t know. I don’t want it to look more real because it already hurt. Nevermind. I can’t pick exact things guys. Maybe that Talisa was there and died? She wasn’t pregnant or at the wedding in the book. So that was just added horribleness that probably wasn’t necessary. At the same time if they got her out of there, they’d need to deal with her later down the road and in the books her character mostly just disappeared. They couldn’t do that on the show. I don’t think it was necessary for her to be pregnant though. But. Whatever. Agony.

Jachelle: I’d have to say probably the moment with Walder Frey scoping out Talisa and generally being the most disgusting human being on the planet. I mean, that’s nothing compared to slaughtering everyone, obviously. But I really hated watching her have to stand there silently while he used her to purposely make everyone uncomfortable.

Favorite Character

Dee: I can’t even write this. Falling on the ground and writhing now. Um. Maybe Bran? It’s cool to see him getting his powers under control. I liked that Rickon and Bran had so much connection in this episode because dear lord did we need some of the Starks to have it together. It’s too bad they’re all separated now, but I thought that was neat. And Bran’s continued movement in that direction was interesting. Of course knowing the luck of the Starks, he’ll get to Jon and the wall will blow up or something. All happiness dies. I don’t know. Leave me to my misery.

Jachelle: Catelyn. It’s finally come to this. I’ve had my issues with Catelyn in the past. She’s driven me crazy and made me furious on several occasions, but she was so fierce in this episode. From her moment of bonding with Robb, to her realization what was happening, to her final words and her death. She had a lot of faults, but in the end I loved her.

Character Who Should DIAF

Dee: ROOSE BOLTON. YOU WILL FOREVER BE THE WORST. Listen Walder Frey too, but at least we already knew he was a scumbag. Roose Bolton was one of Robb’s only Northern men left, and oh my god the cold satisfaction of him in that scene. The way he just seemed to enjoy Catelyn’s squirming. I can’t remember if they’ve said yet about his connection to Ramsay, but suffice to say, the Boltons are a vicious group. Cold, calculating, murderous, and immoral.

Jachelle: Just so we’re covering all our ground here… Walder Frey you are a sadistic bastard and I hope you DIAF and burn in hell forever. There is nothing more to say.

Rating: – This was a horrifying and painful experience, but it was amazingly shot, acted, and a major arc for the show. It is once again a warning to everyone that George R. R. Martin is playing for keeps and you should never trust him.

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