Now featuring underwear on the INSIDE!

by Kevin Gaussoin, Editor-in-Chief

Superman first landed on Earth in Action Comics #1 in 1938. For the past 75 years, the Last Son of Krypton has appeared in every form of media available, enjoying the pinnacle spot of super hero iconography and pop cultural mindshare ever since. Superman as a brand is the yardstick that all other super heroes are measured against and ultimately found inferior. So why then, despite his decades and thousands of issues of comic books, despite his 24 seasons of live-action and untold hundreds of animated adventures on TV, why have so few Superman movies been produced, much less critical hits?

Some spoilers follow.

Don’t make me sing at you, Zod!

Man of Steel is an origin retelling, which we know sounds boring, but don’t worry. Somehow, even though this is the most detailed and flashback-laden movie backstory for Superman to date, this version is somehow miraculously fresh and new and interesting. Man of Steel incorporates the important parts of Kal-El (Henry Cavill – Stardust, The Tudors, Immortals) being sent by Jor-El (Russell Crowe – Gladiator, Robin Hood,  Les Misérables) to Earth to escape the fall of Krypton, his growing up as Clark Kent with adoptive parents Jonathan (Kevin Costner – Robin Hood, Field of Dreams, Waterworld) and Martha Kent (Diane Lane – Judge Dredd, Hollywoodland) in Smallville, and sets up for the main conflict, which is Clark’s battle against General Zod (Michael Shannon – Jonah Hex, Boardwalk Empire). Lois Lane (Amy Adams – Smallville, Enchanted, The Muppets) is included in Man of Steel of course, and while she remains Superman’s love interest, she may be the least damsel-in-distress helpless Lois yet.

Man of Steel tells a tale that at first glance would certainly suggest that it is simply a retelling of Superman II, but while they certainly have some characters and events in common, the stories have changed so much that they feel brand new.

So this is what happens when you take both the red and the blue pill.

Things We Missed

Some things we expected to see

• The Superman Score. I understand changing the story, but to completely eschew even the tiniest homage to the John Williams Superman theme is akin to leaving the S off his chest–the music feels incomplete.
• Jimmy Olsen. Instead Jimmy paired with Perry White we get… Jenny? Hmm. Maybe we shouldn’t complain, but like The Doctor, I was hoping for a ginger with this new regeneration.
• Kryptonite. While I appreciated the environmental warning inherent in the changed version of why Kryptonians have powers on Earth but not Krypton, removing this key element of Superman lore is dangerous. Kryptonite is Superman’s kryptonite. The word has become part of our cultural lexicon, so removing it from a new canon seems untrue.
• Lex Luthor. Where was Lex? We heard he was in it. Was he? It seems like he should have had a cameo at least.
• Laurence Fishburne Punching the Evil in the Face. I was pleased to see a strong and wise Perry rather than an “I don’t believe ‘oo'” Jackie Cooper comic relief Perry, but are the days of expecting Larry to kick ass in every movie over?
• Superman Leading the Battle Away from Populated Areas. Seriously, WTF? I can understand when he’s caught off guard that he might cause some damage, but the Superman we know thinks of innocents first and would draw Zod away from Metropolis rather than toppling more skyscrapers. This was a mistake in general, but since 9-11, this is painful, dumb, and disrespectful of both the character and the audience.
• Inverted “El” means “Rebirth”. Wasn’t there a trailer where he says that, or am I just remembering some Smallville or comic book lore?

Things We Didn’t Miss

Some things we noticed and some other things we’re glad are gone

• LexCorp. Still, some aspects seem referent if not reverent to past canon. Smallville feels like Smallville Smallville and features cameos of Lana, Pete, and even Whitney. Careful watchers will notice trucks with LexCorp logos rather than the LuthorCorp we’re used to in the comics, which may be a shout-out to TV’s Smallville.
• Underwear on the Inside. DC Comics’ “New 52” gave us one good thing: it eliminated the wrestling trunks worn outside Superman’s tights.
• Nanotech Super-Suits. How does Superman keep his suit looking so fresh? I never would have guessed that it was made of self-repairing nanobots.
• Cheesy jokes from Superman II. As cute as they were thirty years ago, “Planet Houston” and the rest of the cheese has been eliminated from this super new universe.
• BSG Actors. Tahmoh Penikett and Alessandro Juliani? We love those guys.
• Lens Flares. Was JJ Abrams the lighting director on this?
• Elaborate Fortress of Solitude. So glad there was no huge crystal fortress at the north pole.
• Kandor. In Man of Steel, we see no miniaturized bottled Kryptonian city of Kandor, but the citizens of Krypton are still carried away from Krypton by an all-new method.
• A Fleet of Dildos. Want a visual reminder that Zod and his followers are a bag of dicks? Instead of getting trapped inside a 2-dimensional Phantom Zone window pane set adrift in space, Zod & co. are instead sealed inside individual columns that are then shot into their cosmic vag prison. Whoa.

Things you shouldn’t miss

• Man of Steel.

What do you mean “Even more dickish?” We’re not even allowed to like vagina!

Overall

So why then have so few awesome Superman movies been produced? Superman is super hard to write. His invulnerability and seeming perfection make him inherently a dull character. Just try and write an interesting story about a flawless character. Keep in mind though, that this is directed by Zack Snyder. This is the man bold enough to bring Watchmen to the big screen. His 300 and Sucker Punch kicked ass, and even doubters and those violently nostalgic for Superman and Superman II may be even more pleased with this new Man of Steel.

Man of Steel is a re-imagining. Those who have a hard time with new takes on classic characters in stories that have already been told may have a hard time with Man of Steel. Those who found Star Trek: Into Darkness offensive because they felt too precious about Star Trek II: The Wrath of Khan or those who flipped tables over the fact that The Amazing Spider-Man failed to include “With great power comes great responsibility” may find that Man of Steel is similarly irreverent about previous canon. This is not your father’s Last Son of Krypton. It’s not your grandfather’s either. What about you? Will you welcome The Man of Tomorrow?

Rating:

ComicsOnline gives Man of Steel 4 out of 5 new hopes for Earth’s most classic super hero.

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