by Chelsea Dee, Editor, and Jachelle Overstreet, Reporter

Hello we are Chelsea Dee and Jachelle. We write a lot of stuff over at our own blog Media Nerd Alert, but we were asked to start sharing our ramblings with you wonderful people as well. So let’s get started with Game of Thrones! Previously on Game of Thrones: A LOT OF STUFF HAPPENED. WOW. UH. We can’t possible summarize seasons one and two together guys, so read our other summaries. We can summarize the end of last season though. At the end of season two, Stannis’ huge army descended upon King’s Landing. It is hopelessly outgunned with no help in sight. Tyrion Lannister proved not only is he brilliant but very brave. He takes a chance on this special kind of fire and destroys half of Stannis’ ships right away. He leads the battle after Joffrey runs like the spineless weasel he is, and he is struck down and almost killed. At the very end his father comes sweeping in with the Tyrell’s. He’s given all the glory and Tyrion is stuck in a tiny room all alone. Aw. They remove the engagement between Sansa and Joffrey and get him engaged to Margaery Tyrell instead, widow of Renly. Sansa’s relieved but Littlefinger reminds her Joffrey will probably rape her anyway. That poor girl. Arya’s on the road again. Everyone thinks Bran and Rickon are dead after Theon took over Winterfell, but they’re off on their own too with only two people helping them. Catelyn let Jaime Lannister go in exchange for his promise he’d get her daughters back, and she gave him to Brienne, the warrior woman who served Renly before. Her son was so not happy about that so she’s a prisoner of sorts. What else. Dany kicked some serious ass and got her dragons back and she’s going to keep dominating the world because that’s how she rolls. Jon got caught on the other side of the wall and his commander let him kill him so he can go undercover. We think that’s mostly it. SO HERE WE GO SEASON 3.

The Lannisters: Tywin is in charge again. Tyrion is still injured and in fear for his life. Cersei is concerned about what he’ll tell Tywin, but then he meets with his father and gets nothing but scorn in return. He’ll be given more money and status but he’ll never inherit his father’s lands. Margaery is getting the people to love her by showing kindness to the poor orphans from the war, and Joffrey seems uncharacteristically intrigued by his new bride to be. Or just outclassed. Cersei isn’t a fan. They’re basically all glad they won and now just have to defeat the Starks and push down the rebellions to have it be over.

Dany and her dragons: Are on ships heading to a new land because she needs more soldiers. Her dragons are growing fast but not fast enough. They need a real army. They meet with a slave dealer who has made this terrifyingly emotionless sociopath army of slaves. He has no respect for Dany but wants her money, so she has to make a decision soon. Dany really hates slavery and doesn’t like the idea of buying them, but Jorah points out that they’d probably be better off following her anyway. She’s intrigued by a little child in the street who gives her a present but a mysterious man stops her before she opens it. It’s a trap! It’s Barristan Selmy, the former Knight Commander who stomped off from King’s Landing when they wanted him to retire. He’s there to help Dany get her throne back.

The Starks: Robb and his mother walk into a castle that has been slaughtered. All their own people. They are not amused and still blame Catelyn for letting Jaime go. One person is alive which gives Robb’s new wife something to do. Otherwise they don’t do much this week. Arya, Bran, and Rickon aren’t seen. Sansa is hanging with her maid Shae dreaming up stories of the ships sailing away and she’s approached by Littlefinger. He tells her he is going away soon and he’ll try to take her with him. His whore/helper Ros talks with Shae and warns her to watch out for Sansa when it comes to Littlefinger.

The Wall: Sam continues to get terrified by the zombies and he’s saved, but unfortunately he forgot to send the ravens out (HIS ONE JOB). So now they’re all in a lot of danger and have to get back to try and stop the walkers from continuing. Jon is taken capture and meets Mance Rayder, the King of the wildlings. He’s damn smart so he knows Jon is full of it, but Jon manages to talk his way in by talking about how the Lord Commander knew about the walkers but did nothing about it. Mance has accepted him for now.

Stannis & Davos: No one cares. I mean. He got soundly trounced. His loyal Davos has survived and insists on being brought back, but Melisandre says if he let her go with them the battle would’ve been won. So he’s getting the blame for the loss. Uncool. Stannis is mostly sulking around and only talking to his demon baby mama. And that’s about it! My fingers hurt.

General Opinion of the Episode

Dee: I am so happy this show is back. I did a little dance. When the opening theme started my excitement got out of control. I think this was a great episode. It manages to continue from where the last season ended in a seamless way. It is hard to jump back into the action that fast, but I think the writing made it feel effortless to get into the world and the plot again. I’m glad there was a super long previously on GoT, but on the other hand I didn’t have much problem remembering the key parts. This show is memorable. Really I don’t have a complaint. It checked in with most of the major stories at least a little to update us on where everyone is. The only exceptions were Arya, Bran/Rickon, and Jaime/Brienne, but I’m sure we’ll get back to them next episode. We got updates on all the other major storylines and it furthered along the major plot too. Loud applause, GoT. You always pay your debts … and by that I mean deliver the goods. By the way, did you guys know that Winter is Coming? For real though. The zombies are coming. Ahhhh!

Jachelle: I’ve been sort of disenchanted with a lot of my regular TV shows lately. Seriously. I’ve been so uninspired to watch anything lately that I have about four weeks worth of shows stacked up on my DVR. But you’d better believe that the second Game of Thrones started that I was glued to my couch. I work weekends and had spent the entire day excitedly chattering to my co-worker about the premiere. FINALLY something to get excited about again. And of course it didn’t disappoint IN THE SLIGHTEST. I know this is going to be an amazing season that will probably give me several heart attacks and more fits of joy and rage than I can count. And this episode started things out perfectly. It had a great mix of all the characters, furthered the plots for this season without dragging or repeating itself, and it was over far too quickly.

Favorite Scene

Dee: I feel like I always pick the Cersei/Tyrion scenes, but that’s because the two actors play off each other so perfectly. I swear I could watch an entire hour of them bantering back and forth. In all their interviews they are paired together and you see why. Cersei came in smug and superior and Tyrion’s legitimately scared these days, which is such a far fall from where he was last season. But she cares about his opinion. Ha ha if only she knew how little regard Tywin has for what Tyrion says. You can sense how much the actors enjoy playing these characters, especially with each other, so it vibrates the whole scene with energy. Even if it’s a remarkably short scene. I wanted it to keep going!

Jachelle: I loved Margaery’s scene with the orphans this week. Man oh man. I loved her character from the first time she appeared last season, and it looks like that is going to continue tenfold this season. I’ll get into why I loved her more down below, but I thought this scene was particularly sweet, and in a show like this, I will cling to whatever sweetness that I can get.

Least Favorite Scene

Dee: This is solely because of how it made me feel, it doesn’t have anything to do with being a bad scene. But that’s the slaves with Dany and that horrible man. For one because I wanted like hell for Dany or Jorah to know what the guy was saying so they could stab him a lot. For two because holy crap he cut the guy’s nipple off and he didn’t wince HOW IS THAT POSSIBLE. I was flailing and wincing. Like I said it was a well done scene and very serious but oh my god was it squicky.

Jachelle: This is always the most difficult section for me to write in our GoT reviews. Seriously, there are rarely scenes I don’t actually like. Usually I end up picking scenes that just make me angry or uncomfortable, which is actually the sign of a really good scene. But like anyone is really going to complain about that. Come on now. At any rate, going with Dee again on this one. That scene with the slave trader cutting off that dude’s nipple was HORRIFYING. Ew.

Favorite Character

Dee: Everyone was so on par this episode. Tyrion always gets my love, because I want to hug him forever, but I’m going with Margaery. Man is that chick awesome. I loved her in the books and I love the actress who is portraying her now. She was great as Anne Boleyn in The Tudors. She is rocking this role. I do think there is sincere kindness in her, but there’s much much more of calculated cunning. By trying to gain the love of the people she guarantees her safety more as future Queen, something Cersei sure as hell never tried to do. She has a talent for saying and doing things that’s both sincere and politically driven. Her catty back and forth with Cersei gives me life. This is one woman who really knows how to play the game of thrones.

Jachelle: I’m pretty much just going to agree with Dee on everything from here on out. This is one of those times when we share a brain. Margaery was definitely my favorite character this episode. I mentioned above that I really loved her scene with the orphans. And while I do understand that her actions were politically motivated, there was also no mistaking her genuine caring for those children. It’s so refreshing to have someone like her on my screen. Funny, charming, smart as a whip, cunning…I seriously need more of her in my life, please.

Character Who Should DIAF

Dee: We’re going to be in complete agreement on this. Tywin Lannister you ASS. “Men’s laws give you the right to bear my name and display my colors since I cannot prove that you are not mine. And to teach me humility, the gods have condemned me to watch you waddle about wearing that proud lion that was my father’s sigil and his father’s before him. But neither gods nor men will ever compel me to let you turn Casterly Rock into your whorehouse.” DIE IN A FIRE TYWIN. Why couldn’t you be as awesome to your own kid as you were to Arya? He’s just so blinded by prejudice and hate he can’t see that Tyrion is exactly the type of son he could want. Table flip.

Jachelle: I just read over Tywin’s words again in Dee’s comment and got enraged all over again. SERIOUSLY MAN, WHAT THE EFF. During this episode, my cats were laying on top of me and I was so pissed by what he said that I sat there ranting to them about what a dick he was and how he needed to DIAF immediately. Ugh. I am going to cheer when/if you get what’s coming to you, you bastard.
Rating: – This show is like oxygen and we don’t want to stop breathing it in.

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