by Chelsea Dee, Editor-at-Large

I think I ship Mulder and Horrible Decisions. Mulder + Horrible Decisions = This entire show. I’ll get into why in a second. This is another monster of the week type of show, although in this case it isn’t a monster so much as a regressive human caveman … thing. So in 1947 this man pulls over to change a flat tire and gets yoinked by  a monster in the middle of the night. Over decades a rumor starts to go around about a “Jersey Devil” and it gained some tourist attention. They like spooky stories that are (hopefully) not true, so the area thrives on the tales. Scully brings this case to Mulder to talk about how ridiculous it is, because a homeless man is found with his arm chewed off, and he’s like lol this sounds awesome let’s go. Scully, let that be a lesson to you, never bring “weird” stories to Mulder. He loves them. He muddles around in the local police officer’s way and proves yet again that he does not interact well with people other than Scully. Seriously dude, learn how to schmooze a little. You’re a charming guy. How are you this bad at it?

He’s a good detective though since he tracks down the homeless population and gets information from them about what happened to the dead guy. He sees a drawing of a Big Foot-humanoid like creature and waits for him. With no back up. Seriously how is he alive. Anyway, the cops grab Mulder and throw him in jail, and Scully has to bail him out the next day. She was at her godson’s birthday party and met a guy, while having the trope-y conversation about blah blah being a career woman is hard blah blah when are you having babies good men are so hard to find. She calls Mulder a jerk who is obsessed with his work, and that’s why she’s not interested; how about it’s unprofessional? Anyone? Anyone? Okay. They go to talk to a professor about how cave man people could exist, and how man is the root of all evil, and this guy theorizes enough he works well with Mulder.

Scully’s on a date but naturally Mulder calls her out of it. She’s wearing an awful dress and her hair is pretty but weird at the same time, I think it’s the lighting. I think she should stick to pant suits, she rocks those. He thinks he’s found the lair, and more than that, he thinks they’re actually tracking the mate of the cave man. The cave man was found dead by the park ranger, so they’re hunting the woman now, and Mulder wants to protect her. She’s not trying to hurt anyone … except she really could. Here’s where he and I differ a bit. I agree they don’t need to use force against the woman, but he has to remember that she’s feral and dangerous. Whatever her good reasons or intentions, the fact remains she could do a lot of damage against someone she thinks is a predator or a threat to her. I’m not rooting for her to die, but I can’t say I’m horrified and surprised that she was. Mulder met her briefly and found her to be gentle, but to everyone else who came across her way, she was scary. This doesn’t excuse them from hurting her, but it explains why if she was coming at them, they’d react with force.

Anyway she dies, obviously. Mulder tries to protect her after he tracks her down and tries to outrun the SWAT team to do it. They hit her with a tranq, but she’s then killed by the team when she apparently attacked them. Mulder points out she might’ve been just protecting her child. Agreed, she probably was, but she could’ve still shanked a guy, Mulder. Just saying. I think we’re supposed to dwell on the evil of man here, but it’s not working for me. Although the cave kid at the end did make me go ooooh a little. Scully doesn’t date that guy again. Thus I suppose starts/continues the UST that this show will be famous for. Since the career woman having no family life is an old and irritating trope, I’m going to avoid it here. Scully is my queen and nothing can change that.

Mulder just likes getting intro trouble and pissing everyone else off. I know he’s probably been pushed around a lot and brushed off as crazy, so that gives him attitude, but if he took a note from Scully he’d learn how to be polite and professional and get what he wanted. Just saying. Will we see the kid again? Nah, doubtful. This is a continued exploration of the paranormal that can happen. I think they were going for that whole ‘man is eeeeeevil nature is gooood’ motif a little, but it didn’t really get to me.

Rating: – A solid episode in general, but not one I care too much for.

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