What do you want to do with your life?

by Kevin Gaussoin, Editor-in-Chief

In the late 1980s I listened to classic rock and heavy metal all day long. I had long, bleached blond hair and even had a hair band style perm for a while. I was the worst member of a garage band that never made it out of the garage. One of the biggest thrills of my life at that time was acting in musicals. Rock of Ages was made for me.

Rock of Ages started in LA as a stage musical in the summer of 2005 and starred Chris Hardwick (@Nerdist), Kyle Gass (Tenacious D), and Tom Lenk (Buffy the Vampire Slayer). In 2009 the show debuted on Broadway, and its success led to the creation of the film version.

Rock of Ages is set in 1987 and tells the musical story of small town girl Sherrie Christian (Julianne Hough – Harry Potter and the Sorcerer’s Stone) as she arrives in LA in pursuit of her dreams …she immediately gets mugged. Not to worry though, she simultaneously meets city boy Drew Boley (Diego Boneta – 90210) with whom she falls in love at first sight. Drew brings nigh-penniless Sherrie to his work to get her a job. In short musical fashion, Sherrie is waiting tables at The Bourbon Room, hottest rock venue on the strip, and in the employ of Dennis Dupree (Alec Baldwin – The Hunt for Red October).

Dupree and his right-hand man Lonny (Russell Brand – Despicable Me) must raise a large amount of money quickly to avoid being shut down by Tipper Gore Patricia Whitmore (Catherine Zeta-Jones – The Legend of Zorro). Mrs Whitmore is the wife of the Mayor (Bryan Cranston – Breaking Bad) and in her righteous fury is organizing church groups against the evils of rock music and intends to shut down The Bourbon Room. In order to raise this money, Dupree gets rock legend Stacee Jaxx (Tom Cruise – Top Gun, Mission Impossible: Ghost Protocol, Tropic Thunder) to play his last show with his band Arsenal before going solo. Jaxx’s manager, Paul Gill (Paul Giamatti – Duplicity, Sideways) sets Jaxx up with an interview with Rolling Stone reporter Constance Sacks (Malin Ackerman – Watchmen) who might just change Jaxx’s mind about how he lives his life.

After a series of events only plausible in a stage musical, Sherrie leaves the Bourbon Room and starts working at a strip club for Justice Charlier (Mary J. Blige – Ghost Whisperer) and since Paul can’t sell Drew as a rock act he puts Drew in a boy band. Additional musical hilarity ensues.

The music in the film is a hit list of all the usual suspects of the era: Van Halen, Def Leppard, Poison, Bon Jovi, REO Speedwagon, Whitesnake, Journey, and more. The lyrics of these songs fit the events of this film so well, one might argue that Stacee Jaxx is a timelord.

While I loved it myself, I worry that this musical film may not appeal to everyone. Will those who aren’t between 30 and 50 appreciate it? Is it in that odd place where the content is too risque for kids, but they didn’t go all the way and unleash the boobs?

Even outside of the strip club scenes (all the dancers are covered) this is a sexy movie. Malin Ackerman always brings it. Julianne Hough I hadn’t heard of before, and I really thought the trailers were showing me Hayden Panettiere, but nope: cuter, even. Even Tom Cruise brings the sexy. Seriously, I’m not making this up.

Overall:

Rock of Ages is a rock musical whose strongest appeal is toward those of us who rocked the 80s in person. If you love 80s glam rock, sexy actors, or the cheesy sweet predictability of musical theatre, this movie is for you. If you like all of those things, you’re bound to have a great time watching Rock of Ages. I just can’t wait for it to take off so huge that it demands midnight Rocky Horror type screenings with audience participation and sing-alongs.

Rating:
ComicsOnline gives Rock of Ages 4 out of 5 rock ballads.

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