A hoodied denizen of the new world!
by Chris Kane, Reviewer.
Not since Richard (older brother to Danny) Elfman’s Forbidden Zone has there been a film as staggeringly bad as Pat Tremblay’s Hellacious Acres: The Case of John Glass. This is what I would imagine Vogon cinema to be like. This is a gloriously bad film…and I love it!
John Glass (Navin Pratap – Daylight Savings) wakes from a cryogenic sleep to a post WWIII/alien invasion wasteland. Sealed in what looks like a homemade Power Rangers suit (complete with nifty on-wrist computer voiced by Paula Davis), and underscored by sour, laborious metal [insert devil fingers], John Glass plods (and plods and plods and just for variety, trudges) through what looks suspiciously like rural Ohio on his way to fulfill his mission: to reach several “sectors” and punch in mysterious codes. Director Pat Tremblay, (Heads of Control: The Gorul Baheu Brain Expedition) who may well be the kind of person that tickles just beyond the border of funny/painful, makes sure we are there for EVERY. SINGLE. STEP. Seriously, if you edited all the walking scenes together you’d have 45 minutes of footage… easily. So why is our hero walking his way to the sectors? Glass’s on-wrist computer informs him that vehicles and the resources with which to power them have long ceased to exist. It further informs him that there are hidden teleportation devices dotting the country (HOORAY!). But alas, the most pleasant of the side effects of teleportation is a grotesquely bloated scrotum (BOO!). There is however a “blue serum” that can be used to assuage the harmful side effects of teleportation (HOORAY!). But the “blue serum’s” side effects are even more sinister (BOO!). The future has never been so hilariously grim!
Plodding along the post apocalyptic landscape!
There are unintentionally awful films: consider Phil Tucker’s Robot Monster. There are intentionally awful movies that stand as an homage to other awful movies: Black Dynamite, I’m looking your way! Hellacious Acres: The Case of John Glass is a member of the latter as well as a fresh entry in the world of cinema aimed at torturing the audience! Quite simply director Pat Tremblay is taking those of us who love terrible movies to the next level. And he succeeds brilliantly! The comically obvious manipulation of the film (desaturation/snowy pops) the craptacular effects (especially of the vaguely vaginal aliens), the constant combat between monologue and score (in which only incomprehension wins), the glacial pace [this film is needlessly 108 minutes), this isn’t a movie, it’s a weapon with which to beat the audience senseless! If you watch this film (and I insist you do) and do not: get fidgety, become irritable, begin mocking it, start humming along to the soundtrack, head bang a little to the score, occasionally hurl things at the screen, take frequent breaks, command your spouse not to pause the film as you take a break, vomit on your shoes in sheer despair, then you are seriously missing the point of this gem of a turd of a film.
Special Features
- Deleted scenes/additional scenes and logs: More painful goodness!
Overall
It’s awful, but in such a fun way! This is the movie you put on when your friends are gathered, the snacks have been nommed, the Jenga tower has toppled, and it’s time to goof on a movie, MST3K style! Hellacious Acres can also be used as a cruel torture device against: neighbors, visiting in-laws, friends whom you’ve grown to dislike, and spouses (sorry honey!) You must see, if not own, a film this bad!
ComicsOnline gives Hellacious Acres: The Case of John Glass -3.5 and 3.5 Bloody Stool Piles out of 5!
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