by Chris Learned Kane and Kimberly Learned Kane, Reviewers

I was excited to see Your Highness. On paper, the movie justifies my excitation: it stars James Franco, Danny McBride, Natalie Portman, and Zooey Deschanel. The film boasts director David Gordon Green, who proved himself capable on Pineapple Express. Finally, Your Highness marks the third collaborative effort of Danny McBride and Ben Best, the creative team responsible for such gut rupturing entertainment as The Foot Fist Way and Eastbound and Down. Lofty pedigree notwithstanding, Your Highness fails its dex (Difficulty Check for the post 2E crowd) landing flat on its spliff smoking face.
Feckless slacker, Prince Thadeous, and his handsome, daring and perfectly coifed brother Prince Fabious (Franco) are thrown together on a quest to rescue the latter’s virginal bride-to-be (Deschanel) from the clutches (and parts beyond) of the evil wizard, Leezar (Justin Theroux), who hopes to fulfill an ancient and perplexing prophecy.

On the way the brothers encounter a perverted possible pedophile of a Great Wise Wizard, kick-ass archer Isabel (Portman), a diapered villain and his hydra (although interrupted by unfunny auto-fellatio jokes, this sequence provides arguably the coolest fight scene in the film), a unicorn sword, a turgid minotaur, various betrayals, all of which culminates in an obvious conclusion that leaves room for a possible sequel.
There are numberless reasons why Your Highness should have worked, so why doesn’t it? The cast includes an Oscar winner and a nominee yet is sorely lacking in chemistry, most notably (perhaps lamentably) between McBride and Franco. Deschanel and Damian Lewis (both fine actors) are all but wasted in their diminutive roles. I know, there are no small parts, but if actors of this caliber are given only marginally more screen time than the title sequence and almost no dialogue to boot? The standout performance comes from Thadeous’ squire (and momentary love interest of a Minotaur) Courtney (Rasmus Hardiker).

Why watch Your Highness? To see Natalie Portman shed the obligatory bikini warrior image and her clothes during the infamous bath scene. To see Zooey Deschanel channel Regan MacNeil. Watch the film for some pretty cool fight scenes, competent cinematography, and gorgeous settings in the emerald countryside of Northern Ireland.

Imagine a well-meaning but misguided non-RPG playing friend, who desires to join you in your table top pastime, convinces you to let him craft an adventure and brings to the table a tale built with bricks of tired tropes, held together with dick and fart joke mortar and adorned with pot references? Yeah, Your Highness is like that: It’s mostly harmless, sometimes fun, occasionally funny, but like your well-meaning friend’s misguided game, becomes tedious after the Doritos run low and the Mountain Dew’s gone flat.

Comics Online gives Your Highness 2 severed Minotaur penises out of 5

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