by Erin Hatch, Editor-at-Large
There comes a time in every adult’s life in which he or she will come to believe that Chuck Norris is nothing more than an aging TV Star whose reputation has been over-inflated by memes on the internet, to the point that pencil-necked geeks and poorly socialized man-children worship him as if he were a god. To all of those people: make no mistake, those geeks and man-children are right. Chuck Norris is not man, but something greater, and that becomes apparent in the first moments of Chuck Norris: Karate Kommandos. This DVD, from the Hanna Barbera Classic Collection, contains the entire series of Karate Kommandos, and it is one thrill after another, as Chuck pushes the limits of badassitude, reminding viewers that Chuck Norris was a demigod long before the general populace had discovered this bizarre world-wide network that has revived his glory…
To summarize: Chuck Norris: Karate Kommandos begins each episode with a live action sequence in which Chuck himself introduces the episode, framing it in lens of difficult situations that the children watching the program might find themselves dealing with in life: Losing a game or facing bullies, for example. Then, the animated story begins, and all of Chuck’s wise words are forgotten as a ludicrous series of events begins to unleash absurd levels of action. The bad guys are VULTURE, an evil organization led by supervillain Claw and his henchman, the ruthless Super Ninja, who generally seek to steal expensive weaponry in order to extort money from world governments and do other villainous things. All-in-all, Chuck Norris: Karate Kommandos is the kind of show that the Venture Brothers aspires to parody regularly, but while Team Venture exaggerates action for parody purposes, Karate Kommandos outdoes Venture Brothers in pure exaggerated action, and it does it completely earnestly. After the ridiculous action is solved by the martial arts skills of Norris and his team (A kid sidekick, female pilot, teen apprentice, Samurai cohort and a perpetually hungry Sumo Wrestler), Live-action Norris returns, providing a convoluted explanation for how the story fits his words of wisdom from the beginning. There are only five episodes in this complete series set, but each episode contains the awesome content of roughly ten episodes.
Highlights:
Episode 2: “Target: Chuck Norris”: This episode starts with a live-action segment in which Chuck Norris beats up a punching bag. The impact of his fists into the bag was so extreme that just watching it gave me a black eye.* Later in the episode, Chuck Norris jumps off of the nose of a specially made helicopter to kick a briefcase out of the hands of a villain, while he is still holding onto the steering wheel and piloting said helicopter. I didn’t actually believe it the first time I saw it, so I had to watch it again.
Episode 3: “Terror Train”: In the middle of this episode, Chuck Norris’ kid sidekick is kidnapped by a VULTURE Henchman, and Norris steals a motorcycle to chase him down. (His excuse for stealing the bike: “This is an emergency. I’m Chuck Norris.”) The henchman drives onto a plane, and Norris leaps from his bike onto the plane’s wing, shimmying towards the cockpit as the plane rises into the sky. Eventually, he climbs onto the body of the plane, and bursts into the cabin to confront the henchman. And this is where the action starts. The henchman jumps into a truck, and drives it off the plane, opening up a parachute for the vehicle as he falls, and leaving Norris abandoned on the pilotless airplane. Norris leaps from the airplane and onto the truck, trying to board the vehicle. But the henchman ties his captive onto him and jumps off of the truck, opening up a parachute for himself. Norris now jumps off of the truck and onto the parachuting henchman, wrapping his legs around the henchman’s body and holding his arms around the villain’s neck as the three drifted down to earth, only to land on the EXACT bullet train carrying the cargo that Chuck Norris had been assigned to protect. The action builds to ludicrous levels, and that isn’t even the climax of the episode: its just the halfway point.
Episode 4: “Menace from Space”: VULTURE begins its evil plot by launching parachuting alligators out of a catapult towards Kennedy Space Center so they can steal a space shuttle. Let that sink in. Now I’ll say it again with emphasis: Vulture BEGINS its evil plot by launching PARACHUTING ALLIGATORS out of a CATAPULT towards Kennedy Space Center so they can STEAL A SPACE SHUTTLE. I woke up from an awesomeness-induced seizure about twenty minutes later and had to re-watch the rest of the episode.*
Episode 5: “Island of the Walking Dead”: Chuck Norris vs. Zombies. CHUCK NORRIS VS. ZOMBIES. I am pretty sure this concept would be enough for an entire feature film that could easily match Snakes on a Plane in terms of a simple concept with room to be thoroughly explored and elaborated upon. This episode doesn’t live up to the full potential of that concept, but the zombies are present, and Chuck Norris fights them. Mission. F***ing. Accomplished.
Special Features:
There aren’t any real special features on this DVD, but there is one little feature that Warner Brothers and Hanna Barbara try to sneak in that is special in its own way. This DVD, for copy protection purposes, is designed to only be playable on DVD players only, not multi-purpose machines like computers or DVD recorders. Chuck Norris: Karate Kommandos did actually work on my computer, although it suffered from skipping and freezing at random intervals, effects I am going to blame on this copy protection. The other DVD I am reviewing that has this “Play Only” disclaimer wouldn’t work on my computer at all, so your mileage may vary. Be careful about buying this excellent series if you plan on watching it on anything other than a regular DVD “Play Only” player, as your viewing options might be limited.
Overall:
The credits of this series haven’t even finished rolling and I am already feeling horribly depressed from awesomeness-deficiency. Life feels dull knowing that I have seen all of Chuck Norris’ animated adventures, and will no longer be able to expect the unexpected in quite the same way. Is that a para-alligator flying at my window? No? Oh…
Karate Kommandos might be a little dated, and it is most definitely cheesy, but if you go into this series with the right mindset, perhaps having read a few Chuck Norris facts beforehand to get into the mood, you should be able to have a great time with it. It is a lot of fun. Too bad that DRM forces you to stick to specific platforms in order to watch the series. If you are inclined to watch the series on a computer or don’t own a DVD player that does nothing but play DVDs, you might want to give this otherwise excellent DVD a pass. Otherwise, Chuck Norris: Karate Kommandos is well worth your time.
ComicsOnline gives Chuck Norris: Karate Kommandos – 4 out of 5 PARACHUTING ALLIGATORS. We would have given all five, but one was feeling bitter about that DRM thing.
*Hatch wrote this after exposure to Chuck Norris: Karate Kommandos and the actual physical injuries he received have yet to be confirmed by ComicsOnline staff.
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